When we hear the word "breastfeeding," we often picture a mother feeding her baby with a smile on her face. But doesn’t this picture seem incomplete? How about a mother nursing her baby while the father prepares food for her, both sharing a smile? How beautiful would that be! A family picture of mutual support.
Have you ever wondered why the father is often missing from this picture? Traditionally, people have considered caring for the baby solely the mother’s responsibility. Especially during the critical first 1000 days—from conception to the child's second birthday—both the mother's and the baby's physical, emotional, and nutritional needs increase. Unfortunately, even during this crucial period, the mother often ends up taking care of the baby, herself, with little additional support.
This isn’t just a personal observation but a harsh reality. Recently, while visiting a community, I saw a mother holding her 4-month-old baby in her lap while making tea for others on a mud stove. I asked her, “Didi, do you always hold your baby like this while working, or is today an exception? Doesn’t his father or someone in the family help you out?” She laughed sarcastically and said, “Yes, why not? Ask any of the women here, and they will say their husbands and families are very supportive.” Her tone, however, carried mixed emotions of anger, sadness, and disappointment.
I then asked, “Why don’t they help?” She replied, “The father works during the day, so he doesn't have time. He also says he doesn’t know how to handle a baby and says what if she (her daughter) starts crying! So, I only have to take care of her, hold her throughout the day, and adjust my life around her. I sleep when she sleeps; I eat while she is fed—that’s how it goes.” Worse, if she’s busy feeding the baby and the tea boils over on the stove, people call her "careless."
The saddest part is this scenario is not unique to her. I have seen many other women, including my own sister—a working mother who had a caesarean delivery—struggling to balance her job at the university, her baby, and household responsibilities.
With these relentless demands, it's no surprise that many mothers feel overwhelmed. In such challenging circumstances, the support of the father and family members becomes crucial. The fathers' role in breastfeeding kids and supporting breastfeeding mothers is crucial.
By stepping in and sharing these responsibilities, they can significantly ease the pressure and create a more supportive and happier experience for mothers.
Here are some of the many ways in which a father can contribute, depending on the context:
Fathers can start by learning about breastfeeding—the benefits, proper latching techniques, and recognizing the baby’s hunger cues. This knowledge enables him to provide informed support to the baby without being dependent on the mother. They can visit Anganwadi Centers or seek help from ASHA workers.
Small actions can make a significant difference. Ensuring the mother stays hydrated by keeping water bottles filled and within reach and reminding her to take medications (if any) on time.
Sharing tasks, such as laundry, cleaning, meal preparation, and diaper duties, can lighten the mother’s load and provide her with much-needed rest.
Taking alternative turns with nighttime baby care allows the mother to get enough sleep. For couples using milk pumps, fathers can help by preparing bottles and cleaning pump parts, making the process less stressful for the mother.
Spending quality time with the baby between feedings strengthens the father-child bond and gives the mother a break. Activities like talking, singing, reading, or helping with bedtime routines are excellent ways to connect with the baby.
Emotional support is crucial. Offering understanding, reassurance, and being vigilant for signs of postpartum depression can significantly impact the mother’s well-being. It can be as basic as asking the mother how they have been feeling or letting them know they have you if they need your support.
So there's definitely always a space that we can fill. If you are a husband or a family member to a nursing mother, make sure you fill that gap with these little contributions and make these experiences happy and memorable for your partner and whole family.
Always remember, a family is a team, and every team needs all its players to succeed. Father and family support during breastfeeding is not just helpful; it’s essential to close the breastfeeding gap.
So, let's close this gap and support breastfeeding for all!